As I talk to my own adult children and experience the world through their eyes while also watching their children grow up before me, I see things much differently than I have before. The same as I say to Black men about Black women I say also to Black women about Black men: "Please don't give up on Black men because the ones you met so far were a disappointment." A good man doesn't always start out as a good man, but he often becomes one after making many foolish mistakes. The insensitive axe doesn't understand the pain it causes the tree.
At some point in time we all may have been a disappointment to someone more than we care to admit. Some of us are so convinced of our own goodness that we never clearly see our own flaws in terms of how we relate to others. I've made my mistakes and done my share of wrongs while striving in sincerity do right but still messing up at times. Of course I'm not perfect and never have been, but that can't become an excuse for not giving my best effort in trying to be or missing the mark. I'm not the axe that forgot.
Some decide to seek love in interracial relationships only to find the same core issues still exist because they are still the same person. Changing the colors of the people doesn't change the fact you are still dealing with a man or a woman and that they are dealing with you. Some may think so, but ask some of the other women who have also gone through the same things that Black women have with Black men, or ask some of the Black women who have gone through the same things with other men. For each one that says it's better there's someone who's experience says it's no different.
We live and we learn, but we can never give up or we'll die even while still living. Don't die like that and become one of the "walking dead". We must lift each other up instead of looking back to keep each other down, and we must find a way to build together in love together or we won't have anything together at all. "Diamonds in the rough" are hard to find but they still exist if you are willing to mine for them. The same as with gold, you have to dig for it and sift through a lot of dirt sometimes to get it.
For myself, I am sincerely sorry to the women I was married to, dated, had sex with, or interacted with in a less than honorable or a disrespectful manner to your person. I ask your forgiveness. If you can't give it to me I won't hold it against you and have nothing else bad to say about you. There's no excuse for the hurtful misdeeds I've done, or the hurtful words I've said. I don't have a "tit for tat" argument against you even if there is one to be made. What was done to me is not as important for me as me owning my own part. I can't change you. I must judge me first and deal with that.
What's happened has happened and I can't go back and change any thing even though I often wish I could. All I can do is become a better man than I was each day I'm alive. I don't want any "kudos" for saying this, but if you know any of the women I mentioned who may not read this please send the link, copy & paste it for them, or make a screen shot to send to them because I've lost contact or they've moved on and we don't keep in touch because that's probably best for all involved. Now, I'm moving on. Shalom. ~ Isaiah J. West
"The axe forgets what the tree remembers." ~ African Proverb